friendship doesnt work one way

friend is important in our life. they are the replacement for our family that is far away from us. they will always be with us no matter what condition. they are mean much for me.

tapi, kadang kadang ada certain people yg kita anggap dye bestfriend, sahabat, kawan baik tapi dia tak anggap pun kita macam tu. kesannya kita yang rasa. dia tak de effect apa apa pn. terasa hati dan macam macam lagi. lagi lagi bila kita tengok dia senang lenang dengan orang lain. but still, bila dia ade masalah dia still carik kita. it make me feel being use n then left out from any happy events. cari aku bila tengah susah. masa gembira ditinggalkan. kind of sad bila aku dilayan begitu, tapi apa aku boleh buat. walaupun aku dah kenal lama dengan dia, tapi tak bermakna kita kenal masing2 sebenar benarnya. i dont know what to say actually sebab perasaan aku dah tawar untuk terus amabil berat and care pasal kau. pernah jugak aku terpikir yang aku ni jahat sebab nak jadi kawan masa senang dia. but still, im not moving from my position as your friend in cloudy day. aku still tak paham kenapa kau campak aku ketepi bila kau jumpa orang lain. aku tahu, im nto good enough for you, but still i try harder than everyone. aku dah cakap aku terasa, but kau keep on change and keep push me away from your world. you will find me when you are in trouble. mmg itu guna nya kawan, bila susah dia akan tolong kita. tapi, if jadi kawan masa susah je memang menyakitkan. bila kau gembira kau carik orang lain. tak kisah dengan kawan kau yang sorangni. aku bukan nak cakap aku baik, tapi tu la yang aku rase.  penat sangat rasa macam nie, sampai aku dah tawar hati dah dengan semua nia. lantak la kau nak care ke tak. aku dah tak kisah. since kisah aku dengan aa aku dah jadi makin kental dengan apa yang aku rasa.

it hurt to see when your are happy with someone else, but at least i have our own memories that i can keep it to myself, only to myself.

i never thought that i will be in the same class with him again after all this time. i feel weird when he step into my class on the first day of the beginning of my last sem. wish not to see him anymore cannot be fulfilled, because everyweek i will see him. i know it, i never get over with him. i never move on. it just that i dont want to make myself hurt more so i ran away. ran away from the truth. ran away from you. but ran away just make me afraid to face it. i admit. im afraid to face it. hahahahaha 

he never done anything for me, but why, why i cant get over with it. why i cant get him out from my life. sometimes there is no answer. and the other times i feel like it just something which is not true. sometimes it fills my head until i cant think either it was the reality on fantasy. im crazy. truly crazy. its gonna be a hard sem for me. to ignored someone who i cant forget. to treat him like others it just difficult to do. my friend also said that, it clearly can be see that i totally ignored him out of nothing. hahahahaha is it that clear? whatever i write right now, is something out of my mind.

too far..

assalamualaikum...

how you guys doing? im great thank you. hahahaha

being at home make me feel relax more than before. maybe because i was completed by people who love me so much. unlike there, full with people who is i dont know what is they truely fel towards me. but, it takes a long journey to make me reach home. bus, rapid kl broken down in front of ppum. penat tak leh nak cakap ape. ingat nak rush, but the bus make me crazy. rapid kl, you are already in my black list. hate it!! :) metro dah lame dlam black list and now rapid kl pulak. what should i take to go to mid, or the curve or ou or sunway or bts???cab??its gonna cost me a lot. tak payah la gi mana mana dah kan. just sit there, in uia quietly. hahaaha

arrived at mid around one pm. it is already that late. i rush to the mph. located near to the secret recipe. BUT MPH already move to the new place. at the end of the world of mid valley. letih la mcm nie. but i still go to the mph. i need to buy something. after that, i feel my stomach growls ou tof hunger. ape lagi, g makan la. i need to make decision where i want to eat. arghh!!! making decision while tire and hunger is the most hardest thing i think. just eat anything!! tired already!!

reached ktm around 2.45 pm. waiing for the train to come. tak lame sangat la. people filled the ktm like sardine. im stuck. luckily i was in the ladies coach. the middle one. arivved at putra around 3.15pm. and my bus will be arrived at the station at 5.00pm. hahahahaha a lot of time. what should i do. getting bored. look around. hmmm, boring~ wait until 5pm n aboard the bus.

in the bus, i fell colder more than usual. all over my body feel numb. tired but i cant sleep. it drives me crazy. arrived at rompin when the clock shows 11.30pm (i guest) damn tired! kalau setiap minggubalik macam nie, boleh pengsan tengah jalan aku. hahahahaha

however, i feel grateful because i reach home safely. and im happy right now :)

wassalam...........sayonara....

life's lesson

assalamualaikum everybody.

geng-ki-des = how are you?

i hope everyone in a good state just how i am right now. but, just a few hour before i was in the worst state of mind. i keep crying n thats make me think that i am useless, want to give up already. u guys might wondering WHY?. it just a small matter. a tiny part of adventure in life. a little hindrance in life. i really want to be a doctor. i want to help people. i want to give hope to people who are sick. to become like that, ofcourse i need to learn in medical programme. but, it is almost a year and a half i've been trying to get into the programme. but i didnt get any chance. i feel deeply sad and my tears burst out. i keep thinking. maybe im not good enough. but there is some reason that i can say im good but i dont get the chance. came across my mind that i feel like giving up. i been trying and trying and trying but there is no any chance left for me. it is already last sem. to change programme during degree is hardly to happen. all of that pop out in my mind like a popcorn. pop pop poppppp~~ especially when i talk with my mum.

i text my friend. tell her what i feel that time. giving up and all the loser stuff. she try to calm me down. but i just cant. i keep thinking about the 'worst case scenario'. actually it is not the worst. it just that i dont get what i want. to be a doctor. all this time she always can calm me down. make me feel all is well. but not this time.

luckily there is someone came out in my mind and i straight away called that person. chit chatting. tell ,everything. tanyer da makan ke belum. what u doing? makes jokes. and the end of the called i feel relieved. better than before. better than being calmed by friends. i feel myself become stronger.

you guy must want to know who that person right.

share your problem with your friends you will be calm down.
share problem with this person will make you keep crying with smile decorate your face, and your spirit lifting up....people we called PARENTS.......

sayonara.....wassalam...

selamat tahun baru...

assalamualaikum...

geng kidese? hows everybody? agak lambat aku post pasal this new year 2012. apepun its still new year kan. sebulan lagi pun still new year lg.selamat tinggal 2011, hello tahun baru. aku suke sangat sambut jaNEWary dengan nickelodeon. ( childish is always my speciality...hahaha )

todays, adik aku (yg bongsu : dikenali dgn name baby ) check in into my old school. SMK Seri Rompin. kind of proud wlupun dye tak dapat STF ( sbb parents aku bergaji mahal ). never mind. any school is just the same. people might say, "yela, dh tak dapat nak ckp ape lg kan" tp tak jugak. as long as there is a will kiter akan success tak kira kt mana pn kita belajar. Punshunk Wangdu (Aamir khan) from 3idiots pernah ckp when there is a school there we will find knowledge. i wish i had a mind set like him. hmmm....agak best bile ader penyambung warisan kt sekolah tuh. hahahaha

my brother, imal also "check in" to hostel.  i hope he will stay in there until he end of the year. hope he can learn how to berdikari. now, my house is empty. yg tinggal my parents and my mother'parents and also me. when i going back to uia, there is no children in this house. its gonna be sunyi. silence all over the house. i need to back home more frequently. hahaha (alasan nak balik umah sokmo). for the time being, maybe its ok. because akak holiday. 1bulan akak cuti. boleh la isi rumah dengan dengkuran tido dye tuh. hahahaha

ok la. nak g iron baju. esok nak pegi ke sekolah adik aku sekarang, sekolah aku dulu. ive heard she is crying. mgkin sbb tak pernah jauh dr rumah. tak per la. lame lame ok la tuh. dh terckp kt ckgu afzan yg sorang nie takkan buat hal. i hope so. hurmmm~ k ea. buhbyeZzz....

sayonara~

new year..

assalamualaikum...

tinggalkan tahun 2011 dengan penuh kesyukuran kerana masih diberi peluang untuk hidup. ucap selamat pd tahun baru 2012 yg harapnya bakal dipenuhi dengan warna warna kehidupan. tinggal kan semua cerita cerita lama. mulakan kisah hidup yg baru. pengalaman lalu jadikan panduan, samada baik buruk sesuatu perkara.

pd tahun 2011, ramai org muncul dn pergi dr hidup kita. mereka yg muncul mewarnai hidup kita. mereka yg berlalu pergi mungkin ader sebab musabab nya. jgn dipersoalkn perkara lalu. biarkan sajer semuanyer berlaku mengikut keadaan. "aku dah tak raser aku nak layan kaum adam dah". as afriend, i think its ok. i dont want to commit my self in a monkey love again. its sucks! n ofcourse its hurts! so dont bother about it anymore.

i hve heard it somewhere. there is no such a thing as ugly person. there is only lazy person. people say appearance is also a talent because it can be change with effort. am i right? but doing it for someone it is just a waste.
wasting time
wasting energy
wasting effort
so, here i am. want to do it for my self. so, look forwrd to a new me. wish me luck and pray for me.